Rat Race..

The Gnaw-Fest: A regular festival of glee and happiness for the participants of the legendary Rat-Race..

The Rat-Race: Hordes of humans scurrying, generation after generation, along the curves of a dark pipe, greased up with ignorance and its complimentary bliss..

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The Gnaw-Fest takes place when one of the scurrying rats does not want to scurry along with the others.. She does not want to be pushed or carried towards a pre-destined direction.. The empty purposefulness in the other rats disgusts her.. She wants to step out, first.. After stepping out She looks at the sea of her "friends" and "family-friends" and how they mindlessly trudge along in one direction..

While she stands and watches them, she realizes that they have been passing her by.. They are just moving along.. They don't even look at her properly.. They are barely bothered.. They glance, some of them, the ones who 'care' a little.. Sometimes they shout out too..

"This is a race", they would say. "The ones who lag behind, lose"

"You don't want to lose in life, do you?"

A feeling rises up inside her.. In her stomach.. It rises to her throat.. She feels sick now.. She feels sick at what she's done.. She shouldn't have stepped out.. How many have scurried passed her now..?? How much behind is she, from her "friends"..?? Will she be able to catch up to them..?? They won't wait, that's for sure.. They won't even slow down.. She'll have to speed up.. Or else she'll lose.. Lose..

Wait.. Lose..?? Lose what..??

"Lose what??", she cries back to one of the well wishers..

"Lose this race, of course", He shouts back through the crowd.. 

"Yes but what prize do I not get if I lose?", maybe a good prize might get her to speed up..

"What?"

"I said, what prize do I lose?", She was jogging along the edges to keep up with the elderly well-wisher..

"What does that mean? You lose the race. The big race, that's all. Life is finished if you lose it."

"Life is finished!?", She exclaimed. "Do they kill you at the finish line if you're not first?"

"What 'Finish-Line'..?", Said the elderly well-wisher..

Then she realized something.. The well-wisher was elderly.. And he was behind her till she decided to step out for a while.. How did he get there..??

Because there was no finish line.. The race was not meant to end.. They just scurried along till they got old.. Probably in a circle.. Till they'd die.. But nobody would attend the funeral, because nobody wants to get left behind..

She stared at them all.. Never will any of them ever realize this..??

She kept staring.. She couldn't believe that all of that struggle is for no fruit.. Almost all of these rats will lead measly lives and die with nothing..
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She was still standing and staring when it happened..

Three or four rats stepped out of the crowd at once and advanced towards her.. Their movements were co-ordinated and they quickly circled her, blocking her escape.. There were five of them now.. All staring at her with sinister eyes.. All growling and fawning at their mouths..
Wait.. Growling.. Growling..?? These weren't rats.. They looked like some kind of miniature dogs.. They were grey with bloodshot eyes.. Oh.. They were wolves.. A pack of hungry hungry miniature wolves..
They jumped at her.. All at once.. They jumped at her for she was different.. And they clawed through her flesh and reached her bones.. And they gnawed at her bones while she was still screaming.. She could see this glint in their eyes.. A glint of self-righteousness.. A glint that seemed purely devilish; now that she was on this side of this 'gnaw-fest'..

Jelly Bean..

For Mrs. B. she always was, sweet little Jelly Bean...
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Sweet, humble little Jelly Bean was as wonderful a girl as anyone would want for a daughter... She was ever so sweet and ever so light on her feet... She would run to get biscuits for her lovely Mrs. B. whenever the maid forgot to put them in the tea tray... She would always do her lessons on time and even help out some of the weak children... She would get up exactly at cock crow and go to bed immediately after the evening town bells... She was by far the perfect "daughter"... But the problem was, she wasn't Mrs. B.'s daughter... She was her neice, I think... I'm not quite sure... I don't set much by family...


Sweet little Jelly Bean...
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A nickname (you might've guessed), for the lovliest little girl in the neighbourhood... Yes, she was well known throughout her neighbourhood... They would ask her to help out with a few favours here and there... She couldn't always help (they never felt bad, she was the sweetest little thing); but she would refuse so, so politely... Not even, the other girls in the town were jealous of her (they did have their reasons)...
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Sweet little Jelly Bean was orphan... Her parents died fighting each other when Jelly Bean was six (6)... Their marriage, was a fiery one... Jelly Bean was visiting at her aunt, I think, Mrs. B., when they died... And she was really close to her... So the rest of the family decided it best, that she continued staying with her... Not that they didn't enjoy Jelly Bean's company, they just didn't want to be the one to tell the sweet little girl the bad news...
Mrs. B. never forgot that almost horrible moment in her life...: When she explained Jelly Bean that her parents were no more... Jelly Bean was suckling on an orange lollipop, pigtails in her hair, bright chequered frock on her tiny little frame (everything the sweetest girl should be)... She just looked back at Mrs. B. with expressionless eyes and said, "Can I stay with you Mrs. B...??" (she did have her reasons)...
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To Mrs. B. she always was, sweet little Jelly Bean...
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So she had no idea what she was going to walk into, when one fine afternoon, after a healthy nap, she opened Jelly Bean's door to check in with her...
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First she saw skin, a lot of skin, and then the picture formed properly in her head... Sweet little Jelly Bean was sprawled across her bottle green puffy bed... and a young boy of around her age towered over her... He was gripping Jelly Bean's sides with all his might, his face screwed up, and Jelly Bean clutched on to his shoulders tightly, for all that was dear, and was moaning loudly, "FUCK ME..!! FUCK ME HARDER..!! OH GOD YES...!! FUCK ME..!!!"

Gnaw-Fest..

I am "Joe Motherfucker".. And I now see the world and it's dominant inhabitants as a pack of hungry wolves.. I believe that they will claw through your flesh to reach your bones.. And when they reach your bones, they will gnaw at it, while you're still screaming in pain.. And there will be this glint in their eyes.. A glint of satisfaction.. A glint of self righteousness.. A glint that might have even convinced you; had you been on the other side of this 'gnaw-fest'..

You remember all those dreams and ambitions you had as a child..?? I remember one of mine.. When asked what I wanted to be when I grow up, I would reply: A Robot..

They laughed.. I felt a little bad, but laughed with them anyway.. I didn't really want to grow up to be a metal robot.. The idea in my head at that time was; that I would sit inside the robot and control it.. Sort of like a 'Mech Commander'.. There weren't any 'power rangers' around for that inspiration.. The inspiration, I think, was a mixture of 'Robocop', 'Transformers' and if some of you remember 'The Centurions'..

But they laughed.. I don't blame them.. It is comical to think of it even now.. But the point is: They laughed.

Lets make this clear.. I'm not blaming them for laughing.. I'm not saying that they shouldn't have.. Their laughter was reasonable.. I'm just saying that they laughed.. And that they will always laugh.. No matter what bright idea you think up, they will always laugh.. It will hurt you, but they won't stop laughing..

The world will ridicule your new ideas.. Always.. I don't blame it for that.. Its in its nature.. Its in human nature to resist and ridicule change.. Its in their nature to laugh.. Just like it is in the nature of those hungry wolves to eat you.. I don't blame them.. The wolves or the laughing humans, I don't blame them..

Probably because, right now, I'm on other side of this 'gnaw-fest'..

Get Mad..!!!

"I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. Its a Depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth; banks are going bust; shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter; punks are running wild in the street, and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it.
We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat. And we sit watching our TVs while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be!

We all know things are bad -- worse than bad -- they're crazy.

It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out any more. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we're living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, "Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials, and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone."

Well, I'm not going to leave you alone.

I want you to get mad!

I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot. I don't want you to write to your Congressman, because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street.

All I know is that first, you've got to get mad.

You've gotta say, "I'm a human being, goddammit! My life has value!""

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-Peter Finch's Character; Howard Beale... From the movie:  Network(1976).

-Screenwriter: Paddy Chayefsky.
This speech and scene might be from the mid 1970's... But uncannily its relevance is somehow greater in these times... Our worlds have shrunken more than ever... I spend 15 hours a day in front of a computer...
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For the Scene..:

Courtesy: YouTube.
               And this interesting website..

All that 'emo' stuff..

"You Have beautiful eyes... There was once a time in my life when I'd do everything in my power to keep those eyes close to me... Always looking back at me...
I left that time behind... So I can't come with you now...
But I want you to know, that I never ever regretted leaving behind that time more than when I looked into your eyes just now..."
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-Randomness... Please excuse all the 'emo' stuff... I'm just in a weird mood right now...

Maybe..

"Maybe.. Maybe, one day it'll all be alright.. One day it'll all make sense.. Maybe one day it wont hurt so much.. Maybe one day we'll just stop waking up at the same time.. Maybe one day we'll start liking different songs.. Maybe one day your eyes will creep me out.. Maybe one day the jokes just wont work.. Maybe one day we'll stop relating to each other.. Maybe one day we'll just not wanna meet up.. Maybe one day we'll have our own meals to bother us.. Maybe one day we'll have our own journeys to worry about.. Maybe to talk about it.. But maybe, it wouldn't be so hard then.. I guess.. It'd be just funny.. And embarrassing.. But whatever it'd be then.. Its not now.. Because now it hurts and pains.. And makes me mad.. U have no idea how much I've one day I'll forget to hold your hand while crossing.. Maybe one day I wont miss your bike so much.. Maybe one day your height will really bother me.. Maybe one day I'll hate myself for falling for you.. Maybe one day.. It'll all make sense.. One day it wont be so hard..
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I dont know if I'm waiting for that day or not.. That one day.. But, Its hard... I wished so much for myself to be in his place that day.. The day when he found u.. Bleeding.. Weak.. I'd give so much in this world for me to be in that place.. Comforting.. Dulling the pain.. If I wasn't over suicide.. This would be the best excuse.. For me to die.. And escape in a different possibility.. A different dimension.. A different way.. A way where I'd be with u, if not forever then at least, just that day.. Right there.. Rocking.. Patting.. Right there.. Right here..
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But then again.. Maybe, I'm gonna read this after some time and laugh at myself for writing this down.. So before I feel too embarrassed about this.. I'm gonna send this over..
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And of ur questions.. Of course it hurts.. Then it hurts more when you ask, "if it hurts".. Then I think of your selfishness.. And then feel guilty because there's not an entire selfless meaning in my "sacrifice"..
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I always wanted a twist in my life.. And the God blessed me with one.. I used to think, I'm so imaginative that I've imagined every piece of shit that I can get into.. But then he goes ahead and checks me with this.. I cant help but smile at my naive self.. And his piece of mind..
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This is the best of me.. In the worst of words.. The worst of times.. But still, somehow, the best of moments.. I fight hard.. I've been fighting with this from the train.. I dunno what spurred me.. I dunno what attracted me.. But like I say.. The whole package..
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I'm not trying to find a solution.. I'm not trying to find any answer.. I'm done doing that.. I brought to u a solution once, and madly hoped that it would be scrapped.. But I wouldn't be the one to scrap it.. U scrapped it for me.. U did what I wanted you to do for me..
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I dunno what to do from here.. I dunno where to go.. I just know that i have the best time of my life with u.. And maybe, it wont be so hard one day..
Maybe..."
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This was the beginning... One of the first things I wrote to my very pretty girlfriend... A little cheesy, i know... But, notice a faint optimism...??

Introductions..??

Now there was a time in the history of literature when "introductions" could afford to be long and evenly drawn out.. Calculated, symmetrical balances of well timed syllables meshing together in perfect literary harmony.. That time has passed.. People don't care for that, anymore.. People like the introductions to their passages, minimal.. And most likely interrupted by a nice big surpri--*BANG*..

Regardless.. I'm not looking to please the "people".. At least not these "people".. So the <slight pause> "people" who do not like long introductions can skip ahead to a part in this passage where there are three dots one directly below the other, at the left margin.. Go on, don't worry, things will make sense there too.. Go on, scroll.. Yes, right there.. Yes, read from there.. Good..

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Now for those of you who didn't scroll, I'd like to thank you.. Pretty honestly, I don't think anybody likes a long 'blow-own-trumpet' introduction.. But I'm glad you stayed..

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So I'm the "Joe Motherfucker".. I was optimistic at one time.. A time when the world didn't seem this horrid.. A time when 'hazard' and 'girlfriend' was nothing more than fancy words for 'a far-fetched scenario'.. Surprisingly, this wasn't a long time ago.. I was bright-eyed then.. And like my bright eyes, everything I saw was bright, and somehow hilarious.. Everything had a funny little taste to it.. I had seen death around me.. But reasoned with the sorrow.. Said things like, 'sadness is waste'.. Of course, I had no idea what it was like for the sorrow-ers.. I would stand at the sidelines and observe those people, with a glint in my eye.. A bright-eyed glint.. A glint of optimistic curiosity.. A glint of hope..

I have lost all that now.. That hopeful optimistic curiosity.. Now I see death, even where there is none.. I see possibilities of loss and gore everywhere.. I see madness and evil.. I see the twisted minds of people.. I see the true faces of my neighbors.. And let me tell you; those faces are scary..

So How..?? What changed..?? Why do I not see the funny in sorrow..?? Where is that glint now..?? When did it all go away..??

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I have a girlfriend.. A very pretty girlfriend.. All my life I wanted a pretty girlfriend.. A girl that would make me go woozy and limp all over.. A girl that would brighten my face up as soon as I see her walking towards me.. She would walk in a certain grace.. And she would smile when she sees me..

And now I have her.. She's mine.. We are, like they say, "in love"..

And the moment I realized that; was the moment it all changed..

Was the moment I changed..

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I am the average "Joe Motherfucker".. And I now see the world and its dominant inhabitants as a pack of hungry, hungry wolves.. The ones that will claw through your flesh and reach your bones.. And then chew on your bones while you're still watching in horror and screaming in agony.. And that glint that was in my eyes; is now in theirs..

Pretty Hazardous, huh..??

Here I am...
Here it is... My meager attempt at putting some purpose to my life...
Here you are... Reading... Reading because you are bored... Or maybe, because you're curious... Or maybe that girl 3 benches away thinks this is worth a read ( I doubt it, really...)
Regardless, here you are...
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Here I will type down the experiences an average "Joe Motherfucker" goes through, in his life, after he starts dating a very pretty girl... This is not some kind of witty story of 'love, friendship, and sacrifice', no... Not that kinda bullshit, no... These are real experiences... My experiences... Hazardous experiences... The things that I, right now, as I type, am going through... Occasionally I will deviate... But primarily, I will tell you about the Hazards of Dating a Pretty Girlfriend...
So I am the average "Joe Motherfucker"...
And you...
You are probably just bored...